Chapter One
Well after losing 15 stone in one day I’m free and single again, thank fook!!
So were getting back to having a bloody good time if ya know what I mean.
We’ve just played a few fantastic gigs, one in Mattlock @ The Rendezvous Cafe Bar and Wilkstock in Leek which was most rockfull.
We got new songs coming out of all orifices at the moment which are getting great responses, so were keeping the creative juices flowing amongst other juices ;)
There are plans afoot to go back in to the studio next month and record 3 new tracks "Last Train", "Falling Down" & "Little Heartbreaker"
And finally we have had verbal confirmation that we will be backing the sleaze fathers from the sunset strip the LA GUNS again, featuring original members of Guns n Roses and WASP.
I'm stood in the Dynamite Jet Saloon Bar in down town Dirt city having a few panda pops and talking about the biker festival we are playing next month; when Emma points out that it's NOT called the half moon biker rally but the full moon biker rally. Obviously due to the fact that I'm never wrong I bet her a blow job that it is the half moon rally, only to find out that shock horror I was wrong. So I now owe her a full week of cooked breakfasts. Tut!!
However I think she'll let me off once she finds out what i've been putting in her scrambled eggs!!!!!(OH SHIT can you get pregnant by eating it???)
Anyway I'll try and keep up to date with the diary over the next few weeks as well as keeping up my busy schedule of autograph signing, world tours and pulling long girly hairs out of the bath tub.
Ya Just Gotta Love Them
There is nothing better than waking up in the morning to find you have been sent a text message from your drunken bass player at 2 in the morning complaining to you that the drummer has been mean to him to make you chuckle.
Basically Danny and Stevo have been fighting like cat and dog now for well over a month about nothing and everything (I think it's the hot weather getting to them), and I’m expecting a fully blown fist fight any day now (My money is on the little guy because he has sharp yellow teeth. Hahaha)
And lucky lucky me gets to hear about it every day off one of them.
Well iv'e had enough so both Steve and Danny your both grounded for a week with no TV or pocket money!!! and if their is any more of it I will be writing a letter to your mum's. LOL
Christ is it any wonder I have a drink problem? actually saying that I did manage to order a pint of black current and soda the other night before I launched into the evenings alcohol abuse and must admit I feel much better for doing so.
Where's the Whisky Gone?
After taking two hours to do a 35 minuet journey thanks to Dave's sat nav system we arrive at the festival. The weather is fantastic and there's a good bunch of people gathered in the main tent. We have to go on stage a bit early because one of the other bands didn't show. We played a good set apart from my guitar doing strange things to me and we got a good response from the crowd.
Brilliant the jobs done and its still early afternoon and time to drink!!! After a few hours of good hard drinking I'm covered in beer after having a few cans poured over me by Emma for making a couple of comments about the size of her butt!! phew how touchy are women?
I then make a total arse of myself trying to put my tent up pissed but it seemed to amuse everyone sat watching.
All in all I'm having a great time until I find out that Stevo told Danny to take the bottle of whisky he'd brought with him home, because he was worried that I would get my hands on it and start fighting with bikers!!! Yeah right as if!!
It's great to know that the other members of the band have such faith in me!! hahahaha
Kick Me
Sometimes life has a habit of kicking you and then just keeps on kicking you. We played the Rock and Blues battle of the bands tonight and fu**ed it right up!! We were doing fine until Danny's bass rig decided to start squealing like a pig right through the last three tracks. Because we didn't fix the problem the judges decided not to put us through. We were gutted but hey "It's a long way to the top if you wanna rock n roll". I walk in to work the next morning to find i've lost my job, so now I'm starting to get annoyed!! Sod it I'm off to the pub for the day to drown my sorrows, I get to the bank and it wont give me any money!!!! ARGHHHHH I've drank all my money and I don't get paid for two weeks. I now find I'm single again because my girl friend has just realized that I'm an arsehole!! (Which is a bummer because I bet she has drink around her house) If anyone tells me 'things could be worse' I'll head but them!!
The Dogs
What a great night!! we played a fast and furious 30 minuet set, trying to fit as many songs in as possible to a good friendly crowd. And not too many people noticed the intro mistake I APPARANTLEY made to 'Nevermind' (every ones a f***ing critic, you know who you are!!), Tyla and the Dogs were on form and very courteous to us while we sound checked (so we didn't steal all their free beer from the dressing room, although I was tempted to do a runner with Tyla's bottle of Jack Daniel's). Unexpectedly the keyboard player turned out to be 'Mark Stanway' who also plays with 'Magnum' and 'Whitesnake', and what a very nice chap he was, even taking time to come and have a chat with the lowly 'DIRT' that we are.
Sick in The Van
Were sat in the back of the transit van on our way to the show, there is no air no windows and its hot, Marv's about to throw up because he's been eating curry and ice cream, Danny stuffs a prawn sandwich down his throat and then turns green and even ED who's toured the world over with his band The Alabama 3 who's come along for the ride is starting to turn slightly gray. I light up another cigarette and chuckle to myself as the others start panting for fresh air, I'm fine because I always feel sick , something to do with alcohol apparently!!
Lampeter Wales
We've got a 6 hour drive ahead to south wales, we've been on the road for 20 minuets and I really need a pub stop for a beer but Steve just keeps driving. Three hours on the road we cross in to Wales Steve agrees to stop at the next pub, ARGHHHHH it's shut and so is the next one and the next and so on, It's Saturday afternoon what the hell is going on? Finally we find an open pub and my shacking stops.
After hours and hours of driving we finally arrive. Set the gear up and sound check. Next we need to find somewhere to camp our tents, the organizer then tells us we cant pitch them on the campus. So after allot of hustling and sweet talk I manage to convince the university to pay £320 for all eight of us to stay in a local hotel (Top result!!). However were now not sure if we will get paid for the gig.
10 pm and we hit the stage, a great response from the crowd and their all up dancing and screaming. Three songs into the set and my new Marshall stack blows up on me (oh my god I haven't brought a spare amp, panic sets in). Somebody up there likes me, the organizer has a spare amp out the back of the club. So we managed to finish off with a rocking show.
The organizer then came up and handed me a big wad of cash for the gig which I quickly pocketed, the rest of the band were not expecting any payment anyway!! hahaha
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